Careless Whisper
by foxs-dana
Summary: During Mulder’s abduction and his eventual retrieval and funeral, Scully sorts out her emotions about a man who she has come to trust and love. Now with Mulder’s unexpected return, she is faced with a harsh decision. Please R&R! WARNING: Scully&Doggett AU
1. I'm Never Gonna Dance Again

Title: Careless Whisper

Author: FoxsDana

Email: 

Category/keywords: Dipper, Scully/Doggett romance, Angst, Scully POV, Scully/Doggett AU

Rating:PG

Dedication: To all of my avid readers who continue to support my work. And especially to Cassie who claimed that I could never see anything outside of a shipper mind point of view. This fic comes from the song "Careless Whisper" performed by Wham! from back in the 1980's.

Summary: During Mulder's abduction and his eventual retrieval and funeral, Scully sorts out her emotions about a man who she has come to trust and love. Now with Mulder's unexpected return, she is faced with a harsh decision.

Spoilers: Uhhh basically all of Season 8 up to "Dead/Alive"

Feedback: Please, I love it!

Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going!

Disclaimer: The characters of the X-Files are not mine but the property of Chris Carter, 20th Century Fox and 1013 productions.

NOTE: This is my first attempt at a dipper fic so please be kind! Also in real life I am a SHIPPER and NOT a dipper. I merely wrote this as a challenge.

* * *

_I'm never gonna dance again._

_Guilty feet have got no rhythm_

_Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool._

_Should have known better than to cheat a friend_

_And waste the chance that I've been given._

_So I'm never gonna dance again_

_The way I danced with you_

_Careless Whisper_ by Wham!

* * *

As I sit here staring at myself in the mirror, I can't help but wonder what I've done. That after eight years I would dare give my heart to anyone else. For seven years, I was with a man who taught me never to give up. Who taught me that there are more to things except science. Who showed what it was like to truly care for someone and risk anything to save them. Who took me on journeys I could never hope to accomplish on my own. Who never judged me or gave me reason to doubt. Who was my best friend and taught me what it was like to love again. And who gave me the one gift that I wished for more than anything. He has been my whole life these seven years and up until then I couldn't imagine my life without him. And yet now I have betrayed the one thing most precious to him: his trust. And in his eyes, I know there is nothing more terrible than that. So why did I do it?

When I first learned of him being taken from me, I was distraught but refused to lose hope. After all, he was the one who taught me never to give up, right? Not to mention that when I was taken myself, I was eventually returned. And I also had that little part of him inside of me reminding me of that. My hands wander briefly down to my stomach as I feel a tiny kick almost acknowledging what I'm saying. Whether it is a boy or a girl, he is still a part of my baby….our baby. So why did I betray him knowing that he was the father of this child?

As the months continued, I felt that little flame inside of me start to flicker. Searches turned up nothing and my nightmares only continued to increase in frequency. I was beginning to face the fact that I was going to be a single mother. That I would have to raise this child on my own. And I have to admit that I wasn't quite prepared for that. I just couldn't imagine a career as an FBI Agent along with raising a child on my own. I spent many a night crying myself to sleep and then having to go to work and act like nothing was wrong. But he did know that something was wrong. And he was always there to comfort me. I vowed I would never let another man get close to me but he did. He was there when I needed someone. He knew that I pined for Mulder and yet he still chose to be around me. He knew deep inside that I longed to be with another man and yet he didn't care. Now, what does that say about him?

I look in the reflection of the mirror and see a man sprawled out on my bed covered by a sheet. But it's not Fox Mulder. It's not the father of the child I am carrying. No, the man lying in my bed is my new partner, John Doggett. The man who is the complete opposite of Fox Mulder. The very kind of man that Mulder himself would despise. And a man who in fact I did not trust at the very beginning and who I felt threatened by. And yet here he is now….lying naked in my bed. In Mulder's eyes, I have literally slept with the enemy. For John Doggett, stands for everything that Mulder is against: authority, following protocol, thinking that the paranormal is just a bunch of _mumbo jumbo_. And a man who in all reality didn't even want to be on _The X-Files_. And yet through our cases together, he began to change his attitude much like mine did when I worked with Mulder. But in a way he also brought me back to my scientific side as well. Did he save me from becoming like Mulder and flushing an FBI career down the toilet? It was true that he brought up our solved case ratio, which looked good in the Bureau's eyes. So, what caused me to go into his arms and end up in this time and place?

As our cases continued, I grew to have more respect for John. Yes, I call him by his first name unlike Mulder who never liked me to use his. He started to prove that he was indeed right for this division and a reliable partner. At that time, he was also a good friend but Mulder still plagued my thoughts in all other aspects. And then came the day that changed everything. The day when Mulder was returned dead. I had received my wish of getting him back but yet it came with a price. I had him returned only to lose him again. And to stand there at his grave watching that coffin lowered all but killed me. There was no hope now. He was gone forever and now condemned to the cold ground. I now had to face the reality that I was going to be a single mother with a child who would never know his or her father. And the only thing that child would know is the legacy associated with his or her father's conspiracies and paranormal theories. Hardly anything I would like my child associated with. And that night, I made a decision that it was time to move on with my life.

I went to John's that night and confessed my feelings to him that I had been holding back all those months. And as I did I wondered just what he would do. After all, I wasn't just a single woman but a pregnant one. He had already dealt with one relationship and lost a son. Would he be willing to take a chance on something again? And not only that but this child would not be biologically his own. How would he handle such a thing? To my surprise, I found out that he felt the same toward me but had been afraid to admit them because of how I felt about Mulder. The last thing he wanted to do was interfere in something that I obviously cared about. And that was another thing I respected about John, he never tried to put down Mulder when he was around me. I think he began to realize that Mulder wasn't so crazy after all. And that night, he kissed me tenderly and made all of the loneliness and fear I had been feeling melt away. I just fell into his arms and he carried me to his bed where we made love. And that night changed everything. For the first time in many months, I felt human again. John was going to be a part of my life now and a father to my child. And for many months we were happy, indulging in each other's warmth and caresses. He even used to massage my feet on those nights when I was exhausted. And I used to laugh when he would talk to the baby through my stomach. He was truly fitting into the father profile, well.

Then came the day that changed everything. When we found out that Mulder wasn't really dead and could possibly be saved. That he was in…some kind of metabolic resting state. How could this be possible? As soon as I found this out, I wasted no time in doing everything I could to help him. I didn't even think twice about it. After all, this man had been a part of my life for seven years, right? And it was always my instinct to save people as well. Up to that point, nothing consumed me except finding that cure to save him. Nothing else mattered to me. The father of my child had to be saved! As I sat there next to his hospital bed, holding his hand, I kept praying that he would come back to me. And then, just like an answered prayer, he did. I cried and laughed with him as we always did in the past. I had Mulder back! But then as I raised my head and turned toward the window, I saw John's face. And that was when all the reality came flooding back to me. Of what John and I had shared since Mulder's _death_. Of those intimate nights we had spent together and the promises that had been made. Oh god. The look on John's face was enough recognition for me to know that he was thinking the exact same thing as well as the uncertainties. Was this over for us?

That night, I went home to be alone in my thoughts. Not only was I faced with John's and my relationship but I was with Mulder's and mine as well. How would he react knowing that he was a father? He had been gone all this time not knowing that I was carrying his child. He had always been a bachelor since I'd known him and this would be a drastic change in his life. It was true he had said when he agreed to donate his sperm via invitro fertilization that he didn't mind. But he had also been told before he was abducted that it hadn't taken. What would he think now? And worse yet, what would he think if he ever found out about John and I? Why did I have to be plagued by two men that I cared about deeply? Should any woman have to go through this? I mean it's bad enough caring about one man but two? If my mother knew she would call me crazy as would Missy if she were still alive. Then again, maybe Missy wouldn't. She always had a different point of view then normal people. Oh god I wish she was here with me now.

John showed up at my door last night knowing that I was upset. And as usual he comforted me in my sorrow. Our relationship is not just something I can toss away. I chose to be with him because I thought Mulder was dead. I can't blame John for that. So, that means I can't blame myself either, right? So, why am I sitting here crying and full of doubt after spending another night with him? What do I tell Mulder? And most importantly…what do I tell myself?


	2. Should Have Known Better Than To Cheat A...

Days have passed by since that night Mulder came back to life. Mulder has been in the hospital recuperating and as usual John has been my companion at night. We still work together but it's becoming harder and harder to hide our relationship. And it's only a matter of time before Mulder insists on coming back to The X-Files. I know him all too well to know that that will be forthcoming. And when it does…I will have to 'face the music' so to speak. But I will have no one to blame but myself. So far, John has been silent about this issue. He tells me that he trusts my decision whatever it ends up being and will respect me no matter what. He is truly a wonderful man just for saying that.

He has never questioned the days that I spent with Mulder in the hospital. Even though he was barely coherent at times, at least Mulder knew that I was there. I try and figure out over and over in my mind just why he was brought back to me? Was this some kind of karma for me going to John? But who would want to miss out on an opportunity if it were presented to them? As far as I knew, Mulder was dead. I had to think of my future…of my baby's future. Is that such a crime? A mother looking out for her child?

John came again to me last night and told me that he had received word that Mulder was being released from the hospital within the next few days. When he told me the news, I cried but not out of joy. I cried because it meant I was going to have to face what I had been avoiding for so long. The sad thing is, I'm not ready. I sound just like a little girl don't I? Please Mommy? Give me just another five minutes to play? That is what I am doing here in a way, playing. But I'm playing with two men's hearts and emotions, which is one of the most serious games of all. And in this game, there is no prize for second place.

Last night, I asked John to let me spend one last intimate moment with him. To have one final night of not dealing with the realities of the world. There I go being a child again, right? But even if it was frivolous, it was wonderful to be lost in John's caresses and whispers. To feel him inside me and hear the echoes of passion as we cried out each other's names. And I loved falling asleep and waking up in his arms. Will this be the last time I have that? The time has come for you to face your demons, Dana.

I'm brought out of my thoughts as I hear a knock on my door. I can almost feel deep inside me who it is before I even get up to answer the door. And to me right now, the knocks sound like a tolling death bell. Or is it more appropriate to call them judgment bells before someone is brought before a jury? I rise up from my side of the bed and glance at John a moment before grabbing my robe. Wrapping it around myself I close the door and head to the living room. Why am I choosing to try and cover myself up? It wouldn't matter if I were wearing something that was said to be see-through proof, he would see right through it anyway. Just like he will see through me now. I run my hands through my messed up hair trying to make it less obvious of what I spent my night doing. Maybe if he sees how tired I appear, he'll just go away for the day? This hope clings to me as I open the door. Perhaps I'm wrong and he won't be standing there? Am I just being paranoid for nothing?

Sure enough, standing before me is the man I had hoped to avoid until I was able to truly get my thoughts together, Fox Mulder. I don't know who looks more ragged at this point, he or I? It's obvious he was up all night as well although not for the same reasons I'm sure. "Scully? I know it's early but….can I come in?"

I sigh. What am I supposed to do? Say no? If I turn him away now, he'll be even more suspicious that something is going on with me. For when have I ever refused to let him in? "Mulder, what…what are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be released until…"

"They released me this morning."

"And you left all by yourself?" Part of me wants to ask why he didn't try and call me to come and get him but I decide against it.

"Actually, Skinner came down to pick me up."

Skinner came to pick him up? He called Skinner instead of me? I can feel my stomach clenching. Now I know that something is wrong for him to call Skinner in place of me. I can almost feel anger building up inside me. Was Skinner there administering to him every day? Was Skinner the one who chose him to be the father of his child? I know these thoughts sound ridiculous but to me they are logical. "Oh, well…at least you didn't leave alone then."

"Scully, can I please come in?"

There is now no doubt in mind that he wants to talk. There is no use prolonging it and John is asleep in the bedroom with the door closed. But despite that fact, I feel like the fox that has been caught in the chicken coop. How ironic that I chose a fox huh? "Sure, please come in." I reply as I move to the side. As soon as Mulder is inside, I close the door. "Can….can I get you any coffee or anything?"

Mulder glances around the room as if he is in a trance or something. "No, I'm…I'm good." He takes a seat on the couch. "Your apartment still looks the same except I think you may have added a couple refinements to it since I've been…"

I don't even want him to finish that statement, as he'll bring up his abduction. I don't want to be reminded about it anymore so I quickly cut him off. "Yes, the…_Pier One_ downtown had a _Going Out of Business_ sale so I took advantage of it."

"It's not just that though." Mulder replies back. "It's almost….the atmosphere here. Seems like it's different or something?"

He doesn't know about John….does he? "Maybe it has to do with the air filter I have. Mom got it for me said it was supposed to help pregnant women or something."

"Come and sit next to me, Scully."

I slowly make my way over to the couch and carefully ease myself on it. "Why have you come here, Mulder?"

His eyes wander to my stomach. "Can…can I touch it?"

He is the father of my child so who am I to deny him that? I nod my head slowly.

A smile spreads across his face as he runs his hand slowly across my swollen belly. "I…I still can't believe it happened. I'm so happy for you. I just wish I could have been here to support you through all this. Do you know the sex yet?"

"I chose not to know. I want to be surprised." I then gasp as I feel a movement from my stomach.

Mulder's eyes instantly light up as he pulls his hand away. "Wow, that's….that's incredible! Our baby kicked!"

I want to smile along with him but I can't. John has felt the baby kick several times and has spoken to my belly many nights. At this point, he is a more suitable father now. I just want to get this over with now. "Mulder, what….what did you want to talk to me about? I'm just really tired and…"

He sighs. "Scully, I just wanted to apologize for being gone all this time. Just when….things had started to work out between us. When I felt like my world was finally starting to improve…I was taken away from you. I swear to you had I known what would happen when I went back to Bellefleur, I never would have gone."

In my mind, he is making me relive those days again. The night in his apartment that we consummated our relationship, the last time we spent together before he left for Oregon, me getting the news that he was gone as well as finding out I was pregnant. Damn him! He is making me go through this pain all over again! Make it stop! "Mulder, there is nothing to be sorry for. There's….there's no possible way you could have known what would happen."

"It was all because of my pursuit of the truth, Scully. You told me many times that if I kept on that path, that it would end up costing me something in the end. And it did this time. It cost me to miss out on the miracle that we both prayed for and almost to miss out on our child completely. I'm here to correct that now."

"Correct it?"

He reaches across and takes my hand. "Yes, correct it, Scully. I've done too many wrong things in my life. It's time for me to do some things right. And I'm going to start with you and our baby."

What is he talking about? If he wanted to do the right thing then he would walk out that door right now and not look back! "Mulder, please this….this isn't necessary."

"But it is, Scully." He replies, as he looks deep into my eyes. "I've been a fool these past eight years. It took me…seven years and an abduction by an alien race for me to open my eyes. To realize just how important you were to me."

Oh god please don't let him do this to me! "Mulder, this isn't the time to talk about this." Especially when John is lying in my bedroom!

"Remember what I confessed to you that night in my apartment when he first made love?" He takes a piece of my hair and places it behind my ear. "I said that I loved you, Scully and I still do. I know it hasn't been easy for you dealing with these things. I mean…we never really got much of a chance to completely resolve what happened between us because of work and such. But I want to do that now." He takes a deep breath and pulls out a tiny plush box from his pocket. He then moves off the couch until he is bending on one knee in front of me. Pulling open the box, he reveals an engagement ring with a diamond solitaire. "Marry me, Scully."

I stare down at the sparkling ring he is presenting to me. I am completely in shock at the gesture he has just made to me. This was absolutely the last thing that I expected. At first, nothing escapes my lips and then comes a sound of laughter. But this laughter is not one out of joy but rather out of unbelievability.

Mulder smiles as he looks back at me. "You know this is doing nothing for my guy self-esteem here."

I let out another laugh and then shake my head and cover my face. "You are absolutely crazy! Do you know that? This is…by far the most insane thing you have ever done!"

"Yeah, I know but I've changed, Scully."

"So, did you just…go out to the jewelry store and buy that thing as soon as you were released from the hospital?"

"No. I've….I've actually had this ring for months. I bought it shortly after that night we shared in my apartment. I was just…too scared to approach you with it. And…well before I had the chance to, I was taken away from you. But I'm not scared anymore." He takes my hand again. "Marry me, Scully. Be my wife and we can start a new future together with our child."

Normally, if I were staring back at those hopeful, hazel eyes I would be in tears by now. If I heard the story about how he has been keeping this engagement ring a secret because he didn't have the courage to approach me until now, I would be sobbing and touched. But too much has happened since he has been gone. Had he asked me to marry him when he first bought that ring, I may have considered but not now. "Mulder, I…I can't."

"You can't what?"

"I can't marry you."

Mulder chuckles. "What? It's not like we can hide our relationship from the Bureau anymore after your pregnancy. And I don't care what people say about us anymore anyway. And if you are really worried about us with the whole male/female partnership thing, I can just quit. It would be no problem. Oh wait, I get it you're just nervous right? I know it's a lot to take in right now so if you need to think about it, I understand."

"There's nothing to think about, Mulder."

"What?" He asks looking at me with an unbelieving expression on his face.

"My answer is no, Mulder."

I can see the brightness leaving his eyes and being replaced by uncertainty and confusion. "What? I….I don't understand. I would think with us getting ready to have a baby together that getting married would be what you wanted?"

"Mulder, I don't want our baby being born out of wedlock anymore than you do. But…I can't marry you just because I want to avoid that. There is more to marriage than just simply avoiding a scandal or bad reputation."

"Avoiding a….scandal? Scully, this has nothing to do with avoiding a scandal. This has to do with us being together!"

"You think I don't know that?"

"Are…are you saying that you don't want to be with me?" The silence he receives from me gives him his answer. He snaps the box shut and moves away from me. "I…I don't believe this. After all this time…after all these years, after EVERYTHING that we have been through together, you DON'T want to be with me? What the hell has changed, Scully? Why have YOU changed?"

"How have I changed, Mulder? You have absolutely NO CLUE to what I have been going through these past few months!"

"Yeah, well excuse me but I was kind of in a space ship being drilled into!" Mulder shoots back.

"You have been gone ALL this time! Then you…you show up in my life again, dead! And then, just when I think I've finally recovered, you come back!"

"You are acting like I planned that to happen on purpose or something!"

"I died that day in the hospital!"

He looks back at me confused. "What are you talking about?"

"When I was lying in that hospital bed, finding out I was pregnant and then getting the news that you were gone…" I take a swallow. "I died that day."

"Oh you died that day and yet here you are refusing to marry me!" Mulder scoffs.

"Look, I can't expect you to understand." I reply as I push myself carefully off the couch. Right now, I just want him to leave. Take that engagement ring and leave!

He rises from the floor and steps up to me. "But I want to understand, Scully! I want to understand why you claim I meant so much to you that day in the hospital and now you are practically pushing me aside!"

I can hear both of our voices rising in both pitch and volume. I realize now it is only a matter of time before John wakes up and wonders what is going on. And that is the LAST thing I need to deal with right now! "Mulder, please. Can't…can't we just talk about this another time?"

"You have to be kidding me! I come here to propose to you, you refuse me and you want to talk about this LATER!" He runs his hand through this hair. "Dammit, Scully what has happened to you?"

Right now, I just want to yell back at him but I know this is not the time or place. "Mulder, please. I'm….I'm tired. I was up most of the night because…"

"Scully, I don't want to leave things like this. We need to talk about this now."

"Mulder, please just leave for a while. Give…give me a chance to get myself together and then I promise you we can talk more about this."

"Scully, I'm not going to want to talk about this later."

I start moving him toward the front door. "Mulder, I need time. I'll….I'll call you."

He looks back at me. "Why are you pushing me out?"

"I'm not. I…I just feel sick."

"Sick? Do you need to go to the hospital? Is it the baby?"

"I just need some rest." I answer as I unlock the door.

"Rest? Scully, if you're feeling sick you should really…" He stops as he hears a door open in the background and turns around.

In the bedroom doorway stands John in his boxers." Dana, are ya ok? I heard this shouting and…" John stops as he sees Mulder.

I let out a sigh as my worst fear has just come to fruition. "Mulder…."

"Shut up." Mulder replies as he continues to stare at John. "This isn't happening. It didn't happen."

"It…it happened, Mulder." I whisper.

"You and….and…." He shakes his head. "I can see why you needed that rest now."

"Mulder, please let me…"

"No, no explanation is necessary, Scully. I'll leave you to your…rest. Good-bye, Scully." He then opens the door and slams it behind him.

As the door slams, I feel like the door in my heart has slammed as well. I close my eyes and put my hand to my mouth. I have hurt him and now there is nothing I can do. I place my hand on my stomach and then let the tears come.


End file.
